At the lab

Should have gone in earlier. Waiting room is packed...

I kept to my own promise not to POAS. Maybe I'll do it just after I get my blood drawn, but HPTs have pretty much always meant disaster for me, so I'm not sure... too afraid to see only one line. No AF yet, but usually that would be 15dpo, so not until tomorrow.

5dp2dt - too normal

I don't really have anything to report. I'm feeling fine. No symptoms whatsoever, except for the occasional lower back pain and light abdominal cramping. I'm already starting to think about a next fresh IVF cycle...

PUPO

Today was transfer day of our lone frozen embryo. I put on a necklace and earrings that belonged to my mother - somehow I needed her to be there with me today, especially since hubby couldn't accompany me either because he's in China for work.

Before I headed off to the clinic I had to call the embryologist to hear if it survived the thaw. Yes it did! Pfew, first hurdle taken.

I had to be at the clinic at 11:30 am. Was well on time, but unfortunately everyone else seemed to be running late. A little after noon the embryologist finally called me in, went through the paperwork, gave me a report of today's transfer to put in my file, and sent me on to the next waiting room, where I had to wait for the RE. Apparently I was the only one having a transfer today as the waiting room was completely empty and had to wait another 40 minutes before the RE finally arrived.

This time no u/s guided transfer, like with IVF#2, but a 'simple' transfer (that's how it's described on the report the embryologist gave me), done by my own RE. In a way I'm glad, because this is how it went with IVF#1 and that one worked (no, I'm not superstitious...).

The RE told me I could get up and dressed whenever I wanted. I stayed down for about five minutes, talking to my little embryo and tearing up when I told it he/she had an amazing bigger brother. Got dressed, went to the secretary to pay for Friday's u/s, Saturday's trigger and today's transfer and got my post-FET prescription. Had planned to have lunch with a friend who works close to the clinic, but since everything happened so much later than scheduled, she didn't have time anymore, so I went home.

Took my first baby aspirin this afternoon and will continue the progesterone suppositories that I started two days ago. First beta is in 12 days. I've promised myself that I will not POAS if my breast won't get sore, because that's the early sign my body gives me when I'm pregnant (said she who's only been pregnant once).

Random thoughts

It's CD27, I'm anxious to start our FET, but I think my body is asking me to be a bit more patient. AF lasted almost until CD10 after the failed IVF, based on my CM I would say that I ovulated last week, but this morning I had this typical ovulation pain on the right side, so who knows what's happening right now (I didn't take any OPT). Consult with the RE is on Thursday (but he will not do any u/s or bloodwork, just talk for 10 minutes and charge me 70 euros).

I don't really know what to expect of his FET. We only have one embryo frozen, how big is the chance it won't thaw properly? It's the same Grade A excellent quality as one of the embies that was transferred for IVF#2 - which didn't make it. So why should I believe its frozen brother or sister will have a better chance?

With IVF#1 I was hopeful, but didn't expect much - we had six failed IUIs behind us, so BFN had become the norm. But it worked... Then with IVF#2 I was worried that they wouldn't be able to retrieve any eggs - there were less than the first time, but still a decent amount. Then I worried that they wouldn't fertilize - but they did, and actually better than the first time. So when those hurdles were taken, and we had three perfect embryos, I was convinced that it was going to work, just like last time, and that I might even be pregnant with twins.

So the BFN hit me hard. I felt exactly the way Sarah described it in her comment on my previous post. So maybe it's a good thing that I'm a bit pessimistic, it might work better (oh, the logic of an IFer...).

The insurance stuff is almost sorted. I got a confirmation for one of the forms I'd sent them copies of, but nothing had been reimbursed yet. So I called to check what happened to the other form and when I could expect to be paid back. Well, turns out they OK'ed all procedures (for both forms), but just bothered to send a confirmation for one. And regarding the payment - I have to send them back the printout of their electronic file before I can get paid. That's insane! We have an insurance card with electronic chip, which means that payments are automatically transferred from whichever medical office you're paying your bill for, to your insurance company and you will be reimbursed with a transfer directly into your bank account - no paperwork, no checks in the mail, everything electronic. Now I have to send them back a printout of these payments that were on-hold instead of that they just click a checkbox or whatever in their software at the same time that they OK the forms... Of course I did send the printouts back, because I want to be paid ASAP, but this is bureaucracy at its finest I must say.

The wait is over - our little man is here!

Our son was born on Monday, July 6 at 12:47 am, after 26+ hours of labor, weighing 3300 g (7 lbs 4 oz) and measuring 51 cm (20"). We're all doing great, and are now back home after three days in the hospital (standard in France).

I'll probably post a full birth report somewhere in the coming days and am also planning on starting a private blog with more personal info and updates on our little man. If/when I do so, I will of course let you know.

41w3d - 4th past-due-date consult

Yes, I'm still here and so is my big belly... which means we had to go to the hospital again this morning, for our DD+7 consult. Again, everything was fine. Little man was sleeping in the beginning and awake in the end, so his HR was somewhere between 130 and 150. My BP was back into its normal range: 115/63. No contractions registered to speak of, which is consistent with the last few days: the BH contractions don't really start until around lunchtime and get more frequent (but not more regular) in the evening.

More mucus plug / bloody show late yesterday afternoon and this morning, but other than that, no impending labor symptoms at all. The last consult is now scheduled for Sunday late afternoon - after that they'll either admit me directly and start induction by preparing the cervix early Monday morning with a prostaglandin gel, or if the cervix is ripe enough, I can go home again Sunday after the consult and come back on Monday morning to start the induction with oxytocin. Of course I still hope this won't be necessary after all and I'll go into labor on my own in the coming hours/days (the clock is ticking...)!

41w1d - 3rd past-due-date consult

So we went to the hospital again this afternoon for the DD+5 consult. They put me on the fetal heart monitor for almost 45 minutes - little man was awake and quite active, so his HR in a range between 130 and 170 bpm this time. The contraction monitor also showed more contractions than two days ago, although still mostly painless and irregular.

My BP was a little higher than before: 124/74. They also did a urine test, which came back fine. Cervix check showed basically the same as during the previous checks. I had hoped it would have maybe already changed a bit, since I lost the mucus plug this morning (yay! at least some development, although it is not a real indicator of impending labor).

The midwife told me that since I've passed the due date, I can no longer deliver in the 'pôle physiologique', as they want to monitor the baby constantly during labor, to make sure there won't be any complications or at least to catch them early. I really hope I go into labor on my own in the coming days, otherwise it'll be induction on Monday and I'd like to avoid that, because that also means that I can't do the first part at home and will be on the monitor (= restricted movement) quite soon.

Currently quite some BH contactions - rock hard belly most of the time, but all still rather painless. Next consult (DD+7 ) is scheduled for Friday morning...

41 weeks - BOO!

Still nothing.

After having to wait more than five years before getting pregnant, I apparently get to enjoy it until the very last minute!

Yesterday evening I had quite some BH contractions, so I was hoping that labor would start in the night... Nope, nada, today everything is quiet again.

I'm bored. I've run out of things to do. My neighbor suggested vacuuming the house might induce labor... but that just gives me a backache.

I'm hot too. It's 33 degrees C (91 F) outside, so I closed all the blinds in order to keep the apartment as cool as possible (no A/C). It's not going to get any cooler the coming days either.

I removed the babystrology widget from my blog because although it was still counting my pregnancy, it no longer showed an image of a baby, just an empty womb. I found that a bit morbid... (luckily the real one in my belly is still kicking around happily).

My parents have been here since Saturday. We had dinner with them on Sunday evening, to celebrate their 41st anniversary. Saw them briefly yesterday and this morning too. My dad complained that he would go crazy if he had to stay here in the city much longer (because every day he has to think of an activity to do...) and that he has to be back in Holland on Monday for an important meeting. I asked them if they really intended to leave on Sunday if they'd knew the baby would be born at the latest two days later (if nothing happens naturally in the coming days, I will be induced Monday or Tuesday)...

Ugh. First they say they won't come until the baby's here, then they come anyway because my mom wants to be close to me and then my dad gets bored... So maybe they're driving 6 hours down to the south of France tomorrow to stay with friends, who have a big house with a pool. Whatever. My dad did send out an email to his work though, saying he might not make the Monday meeting.

40w6d - 2nd past-due-date consult

So, nothing happening yet... A few more BH contractions and lower back pains, but that's about it. We went for our second past-due-date consult (DD+3) this afternoon - again about 30 minutes on the HR monitor for the little one, who was mostly sleeping - his HR moved between 112 and 145, all fine. My BP was 110/60. The other monitor on my belly registered a few BH contractions, but not much. She asked if I wanted a cervical check or not - I said yes, not that I like them, but I wanted to know if something had changed. Well, no... she even said it was still quite long and also mentioned that as long as the contractions don't increase, it'll probably remains unchanged, which makes sense of course (so no, having eaten fresh pineapple this weekend did nothing...). Next check-up on Wednesday.

40w3d - due date

Yeah right... It might be my due date, but so far the baby has shown no intention of wanting to come out. No signs of impending labor at all.

So we went to the hospital today for the first 'post due date' check-up. Normally this takes place on DD+1, but since that's in the weekend, and the consults are only from Monday-Friday, we already had it today.

First 30 minutes monitoring the baby's heart rate (between 122 and 151, depending on whether he was asleep or awake) and my contractions (none to speak of). They also checked my BP: 113/67. Then cervix check: not much change from the 9-month check-up I had three weeks ago - about a finger dilated, shortened and soft. The baby's head is putting quite some pressure on it, as it's super low in my pelvis (but that was the same three weeks ago too).

After that it was on to another room for an u/s: still head down, back to the left, in perfect position to come out. Baby in fine condition. Placenta too, although a little bit calcified, but apparently that's normal at the end of a pregnancy. Still enough amniotic fluid everywhere. Baby's estimated weight: about 3 kg (6lbs 10oz).

So everything's ready for a smooth delivery. Now, where are those contractions?!?!?!

(If nothing happens this weekend, we'll have the next check-up on Monday afternoon.)

40 weeks - still waiting

Exactly 40 weeks pregnant today. If I were in the US or in Holland this would be my due date, but here in France they add three days extra, so still have until Friday before I have to start calling about past-term consults etc.

No signs at all of impending labor, but I really hope that the little man won't let us wait too much longer, because I'm more than ready and want to hold him in my arms! But there's nothing I can do about it - it's weird, an IVF pregnancy is so controlled from the beginning, with set dates etc, but at the end, it's still mother nature that you have to let take its course.

Luckily I'm feeling so much better than yesterday. Also had quite a good night of sleep (all relative of course, but good for a 9-month pregnant woman that is) so feel rather energetic today.

Little meltdown

I had a small nervous breakdown this morning around 5.30 am. I had been up for bathroom breaks at my usual hours, but then couldn't sleep anymore from 3.30 am onwards.

Due to the terrible itch (it was horrible all day yesterday too, luckily a bit better now) and too much stuff in my head - how long before the baby will come? How long can my parents wait patiently in Holland before driving south anyway, even when they said they won't come before the baby's born (but they booked a place from this Wednesday on - why didn't they just take our neighbor's apartment who offered it for a week from July 3rd on)? What if I go way past my due date? Can people please stop calling every other day to ask how it's going? Can I tell them 'don't call us, we call you' or is that rude? Do I need to call day care centers when I don't know yet if the company will offer me a new contract? But what if I wait too long and there is no more space? Will there be more high school kids jumping into our garden today to fetch balls they accidentally threw over the fence? Will our landlord repair the fence (broken by the high school kids on Friday) quickly or will it take months and months, like everything else we ask them to do? Why am I worrying about all these things? Why do I have this horrible itch? Why can't I sleep? Etc. etc.

I think it's all got to do something with the idea I had that the baby would definitely come earlier than my due date, and somehow I had set D-Day in my head for yesterday - wouldn't it be wonderful: born on a Sunday, just like his parents, on Father's Day (hubby was born on mother's day), on the first day of summer, on the 'fête de la musique', on his mommy's and grandpa's name day... Yes, I know, too good to be true. Or so tacky that the baby, like his daddy would do, would just refuse to be born on such a day, out of sheer recalcitrance.

So of course no signs at all of impending labor, and all the thoughts mentioned above going round and round in my head. So I started crying, which woke hubby up, who tried to console me, fell back asleep, while I stayed awake. As soon as the alarm went off at 7 am I stood beside the bed. After breakfast and hubby's departure I took it easy by doing some prenatal yoga and breathing exercises (which almost made me freak out instead of relax because I couldn't breathe out for more than 25 seconds, while the goal for labor contractions is 30-40 seconds - but in the end I did manage) and then took a shower. Doing a bit better now, but still very tired, so I'm in for at least one good nap today.

39 weeks - tired

Well, here I am at 39 weeks exactly. Everything's going well, but... I'm tired! Especially in the mornings. I sleep horribly at night, waking up around 1 am, 3 am, and 5 or 6 am every time for a combination of reasons (having to pee, belly cramps and ligament pain - one of my favorite positions, on right side with lower leg stretched, upper leg bent, now actually hurts! - , the baby having a party inside my belly, being too warm, being too cold). Almost every night I dread going to bed and I'm happy when it's 5 am and I hear the birds singing outside and know that daylight is not far away. I'm so ready for the baby to be born (not that that's gonna make me sleep better of course)!

Yesterday afternoon I went for my pre-birth acupuncture session. I was somehow disappointed he only stuck four needles in me (two in my left breast, and one in each shin)... We'll see if it really did anything once I'm in labor. ;-) There was a funny moment when he looked at my chart and thought that my infertility sessions that I'd had in the fall of 2006 had been in 2008 (the assistant hadn't bothered to add the year back then) so that those had really worked and immediately resulted in a pregnancy - but I helped him out of that dream pretty quickly. Other than that it was a very nice and relaxing experience.

Funny how the mind works

I woke up from a dream around 3 am in which I told myself to take two Aleve because I was having menstrual cramps... Out of my dream state, I was still feeling cramps and immediately thought 'oh crap, not now', because today hubby has a little one-day work trip to Antwerp, so it would be really bad timing if I would go into labor right now.

I got up, went to the bathroom and took a paracetamol (not that those things ever help when I'm having cramps, but it's the only thing I'm allowed to take, so what else could I do). Felt my belly, not really contraction-rock-hard, the pain wasn't coming and going in waves either, just a general belly and lower back ache. So I went back to bed and tried not to worry too much.

Alarm went off at 4:45 am, made hubby breakfast and printed his boarding passes. The cramps hadn't increased. I actually felt quite OK, and was convinced this was just my mind playing tricks on me because hubby was leaving (he did leave with a whole scheme of flights and trains that he can take back home earlier than his original evening flight, just in case). At one of the hospital info sessions they had already warned for going into false labor with the example 'when your husband has a business trip to Paris'. Oh yeah, and the other thing that made me have contractions was very likely the fact that I had cleaned the windows and washed + ironed the curtains yesterday (what do you mean, nesting?), of course way too much activity for a 9-month pregnant lady!

After I promised hubby I wouldn't do anything today (he didn't believe me, I could see it) and he had left for the airport, I heated up a pad to put on my belly and went back to bed. Slept for a couple of more hours, which was great. Woke up without pain. Had a lazy shower and breakfast and am lying on the couch right now (which my lower back actually doesn't like very much. I'd love to be in the hammock, but the frame is not set-up and it's too heavy for me to carry). The only things on my to-do list for today: make grocery list for for tomorrow (done), update blog (almost done), play cello, read New Yorkers (still six, eh... eight issues behind). Was really tempted to do a load of laundry, but I'll wait until tomorrow, so hubby can help.

Luckily this is the last business trip that hubby's taking before my due date. I told the little one he can come any time starting Tuesday (so I can still have the acupuncture session on Monday afternoon). Officially I still have exactly two weeks to go. We'll see what happens...

38 weeks - in waiting mode

Exactly 38 weeks pregnant today. Not too much to tell, we're basically in waiting mode.
One very annoying thing though: the itch is back. Aarghhh! My own fault. I took a bath on Sunday night, to relieve some BH contractions - used calendula bath oil, which is supposedly for sensitive skin, but I remembered (stupidly only after taking the bath) that during the 'itchy period' it always seemed to make the itch worse, instead of better. And so yes, since Sunday night the horrible itch is back and making me miserable. I hope it won't last too long.

The OB called me yesterday to say that she had good news for me regarding the 'pôle physiologique': she had discussed it with the hospital team (so apparently my comments made her rethink what she had told me during Friday's check-up) and now a midwife will call me on Thursday to discuss things further. So I'm really happy about that, and I can then also already tell her I'd like to deliver the baby on my side (hubby told me I should have mentioned that to my OB today too, and of course he's right, but I somehow forgot...).

So this weekend I was like 'let the baby come', now I'm telling it to stick around for at least another week, so I can get this organized with the hospital before we come in for the delivery.

I'm also contemplating whether or not to go for a pre-birth acupuncture session. A few women talked about it at last week's prenatal yoga class and were very enthusiastic about it. I did have some acupucture sessions three years ago, regarding our infertility. Although the acupuncture itself was OK, I had a weird experience where one time he told me, after the acupuncture itself, to go into his office for a small consult and to wait behind the screen, on the exam table, until he returned from giving something to his assistant. So I did, but when he returned, he had forgotten about me and had brought another patient in, whom he then also directed behind the screen, where we said an awkward hello and the OB/acupuncturist quickly took the other patient away. He otherwise has a great reputation for acupuncture with pregnant women and everyone else whom I talk to is super enthusiastic about it. So...what to do?

Another phase

I've got the feeling I'm in a new phase (the last one?) of the pregnancy since Friday.

I have more pelvic and ligament pain, still sometimes want to do irresponsible things like vacuum or move something too heavy, but I just don't have the energy for it anymore, I take longer naps...

Also really have the feeling that the waiting has started - I'm over 37 weeks, so basically full-term, at the last OB check-up everything was fine, I've had all eight birth preparation classes, the baby room is done - so in other words: we're ready.

I also had a great conversation with my mom, and an OK one with hubby, regarding my parents visiting after the birth and hubby taking paternity leave at the same time (I'm so happy he does want to take time off right after the birth), so there's a lot less stress in my head about that issue right now than there was before.

So yes, I'm ready. I sure hope the baby doesn't decide to wait until past my due date...