Saturday, November 20, 2010

My mom

My mother passed away peacefully at home on Friday morning, after a four-month battle with cancer that we knew she couldn't win. We were able to say our goodbyes, and to be at her side until the end. She was only 64 years old. Way too young to die. I still can't believe she's gone. I will miss her so much.

Last June, at home with us, before she got sick.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Cycle canceled

We drove to Holland yesterday. My dad called Sunday afternoon to tell me my mom had been asking for us. While we were driving up north, I called pharmacies in cities along the way to check if there might be one that would have some more Puregon for us (I only had enough for two or three more days of injections). Did find one in the end, which made us feel good, for just a short while. Arrived at my parents' place in the evening - even though my dad had told me she was doing much worse, I was still a bit shocked at how much sicker she was than when I last saw her, three weeks ago. I called my RE and we talked with my mom's physician this morning. She's entering the final stage - of course it might still take two or three weeks before she dies, but this is no time to leave her side. So... no injection tonight. We'll see when we can do another cycle.

Friday, November 12, 2010

CD21 - stimming has started!

Started stimming yesterday - 150 IU of Puregon - same protocol as two years ago. First u/s will be next Wednesday. No jitters at all this time while taking the injections. Apparently I've become a pro.

I do however have a weird feeling for another reason this cycle - I don't know if we'll be able to finish it properly (i.e. with ER and ET) because my mom's situation is deteriorating fast, so the chance that we have to go to Holland to be at her side is growing by the day. She has already said that she wants it to be over, no more pain, no more suffering. I can understand that and I respect it, even though I don't want to lose my mom, but oh, please, I don't want to have to break off this cycle.

I thought about not starting the Puregon and postponing everything - called the RE's office, my GP, and talked to a good friend, plus of course hubby. The logical thing to do seemed to discontinue, start again in a few months time, but on the other hand, we shouldn't put our life on hold for something that we can't control. So we decided to continue after all. It felt good giving myself the shot yesterday and today. We're keeping our fingers crossed.