PUPO

Today was transfer day of our lone frozen embryo. I put on a necklace and earrings that belonged to my mother - somehow I needed her to be there with me today, especially since hubby couldn't accompany me either because he's in China for work.

Before I headed off to the clinic I had to call the embryologist to hear if it survived the thaw. Yes it did! Pfew, first hurdle taken.

I had to be at the clinic at 11:30 am. Was well on time, but unfortunately everyone else seemed to be running late. A little after noon the embryologist finally called me in, went through the paperwork, gave me a report of today's transfer to put in my file, and sent me on to the next waiting room, where I had to wait for the RE. Apparently I was the only one having a transfer today as the waiting room was completely empty and had to wait another 40 minutes before the RE finally arrived.

This time no u/s guided transfer, like with IVF#2, but a 'simple' transfer (that's how it's described on the report the embryologist gave me), done by my own RE. In a way I'm glad, because this is how it went with IVF#1 and that one worked (no, I'm not superstitious...).

The RE told me I could get up and dressed whenever I wanted. I stayed down for about five minutes, talking to my little embryo and tearing up when I told it he/she had an amazing bigger brother. Got dressed, went to the secretary to pay for Friday's u/s, Saturday's trigger and today's transfer and got my post-FET prescription. Had planned to have lunch with a friend who works close to the clinic, but since everything happened so much later than scheduled, she didn't have time anymore, so I went home.

Took my first baby aspirin this afternoon and will continue the progesterone suppositories that I started two days ago. First beta is in 12 days. I've promised myself that I will not POAS if my breast won't get sore, because that's the early sign my body gives me when I'm pregnant (said she who's only been pregnant once).

Transfer date set

Went to the clinic this morning for blood work (LH and E2) and u/s to see where we are in preparation for our FET. The RE was very happy - everything looked fine - lining was around 7.5 mm, so she said probably two more days of Puregon, then triggering on Sunday and transfer on Thursday, but she would confirm (or change) that later after she'd seen the results from the blood work.

The secretary called me around 5 pm to say that I should indeed take another shot of Puregon tonight (this time 75 IU instead of 100) but then trigger tomorrow and so the FET will be on Wednesday (providing our lonely embryo will survive the thaw). As I was in the car when she called I forgot to ask about my E2 and LH levels. I have to call the clinic on Tuesday to hear at what time I'm expected on Wednesday (both my sister's and my SIL's birthday - hopefully that's a good sign) and then the lab on Wednesday morning to see what the status is.

Images

Two images keep floating into my head: the first is of the two embryos being brought into my uterus, the second one the photos of the three perfect 4-cell embryos the embryologist showed us before the transfer (no, we didn't get a copy).

These images make me happy. They also fill me with anxiety. I've followed enough blogs where I've seen photos of perfect looking embies, only to read a BFN report a few weeks later.

The anxiety is different than with IVF#1 - then, I was almost sure it would fail (but of course I hoped it wouldn't). Now, I sometimes wonder I'm too sure of it working, because the first one did.

I can hardly concentrate on anything besides reading IF blogs. I'm going back into my own blog archives to see what I wrote during the 2WW/WUB with IVF#1. Scold myself for not being more detailed (when did my breast get sore...?). Today I was sooo tired, but not being tired is more an exception than the rule since my baby was born, so it doesn't mean anything (although I do think I'm extra tired from all the emotions coming with ER and ET etc).

So yes, welcome back 2WW/WUB! Please don't drive me insane...

3 = 2 + 1

Embryo transfer was today. Called the embryologist around 9 am to see if everything was still OK. Yes - she told me three embryos were 'interesting', more info when we would get there around 11:30 am.

So, all of the eight eggs fertilized (initially seven, but apparently there was a late bloomer...), of which three were perfect-looking 4-cell embryos, the others were rather messy and fragmented, so not usable. Two of the three would be transferred, and the third one frozen.

After we'd seen the embryologist we waited a little while before the RE led us into the transfer room. Everything went very smoothly. It was u/s guided this time, so it was kind of cool (and surreal) to see the two embryos floating into my uterus.

Got a prescription for progesterone suppositories (that I already started the evening of the ER), baby aspirin, and the bloodwork for later.

Had a nice lunch with hubby afterward. First beta will be on March 9.

Seven

Just got off the phone with the embryologist. Seven eggs made it to the embryo stage. Yay! So much more than I expected, I dreaded the call because I was afraid they would tell me only two made it or something. Pfew! ET is probably tomorrow around 11:30 am, but I have to call the lab again tomorrow around 9 am to confirm.

No reserve

I just talked to the embryologist. None of the five remaining embryos continued to develop enough to be frozen for a possible future cycle... I feel a bit empty. These two inside me really need to hang on now!

Giving them back

Friday was transfer day. We had to be at the clinic at 8.15am. Traffic was horrible and I was afraid we would be late (only by about 3 minutes, while hubby was still looking for a parking space, but I still arrived ahead of the doctor). I heard him come in, Dr 'Speed'... "En route!" and off we went to the transfer room, which wasn't ready at all yet - the cleaners had left the waste bin on the step of the exam table, and the doctor's stool was also upside down on the table. So he jokingly complained about it and opened the 'drive through window' to the lab (this window is something that really surprised me when I had my first IUI: you're in stirrups and suddenly the doctor opens this window/door behind him, which opens up to the lab, from where a lab technician will hand him the catheter while checking your name. All the while you're in stirrups with full view to/for the lab... oh well).

While I was getting ready, one of the lab technicians came up to the window to say that they would transfer two embryos back after all, because the quality was not too great and they wanted to give it the most chance (I had briefly discussed this with the embryologist before my discharge from the hospital on Tuesday - we'd choose one, unless the quality would be so-so). My heart sank, until a second lab technician said that one of them was actually looking really good and the other was a bit behind. The procedure itself went all pretty quickly, but it was a bit uncomfortable (I had a hard time relaxing), basically the same as with the IUIs I've had. No guiding ultrasound (the doctors at my clinic must be very sure about themselves, ha) and no gifts of petri dishes and/or photos of the embryos, like they apparently do in the US (but hey, a whole IVF cycle costs a lot less here too, so US patients are entitled to some additional perks I guess).

Just as the doctor was leaving the room, hubby arrived and asked if I was in there. So of course Dr 'Speed' took the opportunity to make a few more jokes. "Is this really your wife?" "Are you sure this is your husband?" A bit lame, but still good to get rid of whatever stress was left.

Had to go to the secretary to get some paperwork done, pay for the ultrasounds, triggering and transfer (all to be reimbursed a 100% later by the insurance). She also gave me some instructions for further blood work, continuation of the progesterone suppositories , and a possible additional hormone injection next week if my estrogen level is under a certain level.

After that we got to talk to the embryologist. She's very kind and reassuring. She told us that out of the 14 eggs, initially 8 were fertilized, but one with two spermatozoa, so that one had to be discarded. Of the the two that were transferred back, one was looking very good (the embryologist thought it was "très joli"), with 8 cells, and one that was a little behind, but otherwise still ok, with 6 cells. The other five were also a little slower (between 4-6 cells I think), but also showed fragmentation - she told us that they don't really know why that happens, but they wanted to keep them until Monday to see if they would develop to blastocyst stage without further fragmentation. If the fragmentation is 50% or more, they won't be able to freeze the embryos....

The coming 12 days will be testing our patience to the max. Here's hoping...

There is no real answer

Well, I ended up sleeping most of the afternoon, the day of the 'ponction'. Yesterday I still felt pretty tired, but today is OK. Abdominal area is still feeling very tense though, but I think it's more from the stimulation than the 'ponction'.

Yesterday I felt quite insecure about our decision to only transfer one embryo. Would it be enough? Should we change to two or not? But what if one of the embryos divides after transfer..., I don't want triplets! Talked with hubby about it, who had some great philosophical answers, but it mainly came down to that he doesn't want me to run too much health risks and we can always decide to do two the next time, if this time fails. I did some additional research on the web and in some books I have at home, had a good night's sleep, and this morning came to the conclusion that we should stick to our decision. A lot remains speculation, we'll never have definite answers to all our questions, and certainty about which risk outweighs the other. Just statistics and our our gut feeling. So we'll keep it at one this time and hope for the best.

However I still had prepared some questions for the embryologist for when she would call today. When the call came, it was not her, but a lab technician, who actually just wanted to tell me at what time I need to come in tomorrow for the transfer. Luckily I did manage to ask her what the results were: 7 embryos. Not bad! But no additional info about quality etc. Have to find that out tomorrow morning, when we'll speak with the embryologist. The rest of my questions have to wait until then as well...