Cultural differences - pelvic floor exercise

Welcome back to my Cultural Differences series! It's been a while…

First, to answer the question in my previous post, Fran and Mina were close, but not entirely correct…it is an intra-vaginal probe, a tool to measure the strength of your pelvic floor muscles (and yes, Mina, insurance covers it!).

Here's is the story that comes with it:

The French state is very concerned about our pelvic floors (among other things…) because to 6-8 weeks after you have given birth, you have a right (100% insurance covered of course) to several physiotherapy sessions to strengthen/retrain your pelvic floor and abdomen. You can go to either a midwife or a physical therapist.

After the birth of M. Sensible I went to the midwife I also did my birthing preparation with. She was young, but her methods were non-technological, so I wasn't introduced to the probe yet… I did have to do a number of exercises though. How did she check how much therapy I would need and how much progress I was making…? Yes, with her fingers.

After M. Gourmand's birth my OB/GYN recommended a physical therapist, who then introduced me to the probe (which I could take home, however I did not get a copy of the software...).

Apart from some general abdominal exercises on a yoga mat, the pelvic floor exercises were done and measured with the probe. Picture this: you lie in a gynecological position, therapist inserts probe, hooks it up to a PC, shows you the screen with some sinus-type wave on it and tells you to follow the wave by contracting your muscles. The therapist can adjust the strength level - so if you did really well on one exercise, she might bump up the level and then the next exercise you don't even come near the top of the wave… So much for morale, ha.

I must say that even though after several years at the RE, the weirdest thing for me was having something vaginally inserted which was then hooked up to a PC. But it was nice to see on the screen how I was doing compared to just having the midwife telling me if it was OK or not.

After 8-10 sessions I was good to go and got some exercises to do regularly at home. You know what happens with those…

Where you live (and if you have had the ability to give birth), did you receive any pelvic floor therapy sessions after childbirth? If so, did insurance cover them? If not, did you get any recommendations to do exercises at home? Did you follow through with those exercises?

Cultural differences - summer break

Welcome to the fourth installment of my monthly cultural differences series! I've missed two months (oops) with no real excuse other than that I've had the kids 24/7 all summer and not much time to blog.

It's August. We're in France. which means...

If you want bread, you have to walk the extra mile to a bakery that's open. The market is half the size it usually is. Don't try to find a doctor or a dentist. But if you want to park your car in the streets, don't worry about not having enough change - it's free this month. The city is deserted, everyone is at the beach.

When we just moved here we went on vacation in September and were a bit surprised that we only met retired people. Turns out that even people with small children that aren't tied to a school schedule yet will be on vacation in August because daycare centers are closed for the entire month and many sitters will be away too (our sitter, who is Portuguese, spends the entire month in Portugal - and the first Saturday of her vacation in a traffic jam on the high way).

Of course, historically, this is probably due to harvest time - everyone had to go harvest the crops in August so everything else had to shut down. But if I ask friends or colleagues why the entire country still goes en masse on vacation in August, they look at me as if I'm crazy, say 'well, it's always been this way / we don't know any better' or 'well, the industry closes (but if I ask why they don't have an answer to it!), so I have less work in August, so I might as well take my vacation then). School is out in the entire country from the first Saturday in July until the first Tuesday in September (for other school holidays the country is divided into three zones to try to avoid overly crowded high ways and resorts - or to give the tourist industry a longer period of higher income, however you want to look at it), but the family vacation is always in August - kids of working parents will go to their grandparents or summer camp in July.

The first Saturday in August is called "black Saturday" on traffic reports. It means everyone is standing still on the highways going south. (This year we thought we could go south the Friday before to celebrate my dad's birthday - it took us 6 hours instead of 3.5 - and that day was only classed as "orange").

Since we have kids and are more or less tied to the sitter's vacation schedule, we have been taking vacations in August, but still trying to avoid the huge crowds (so you won't find us at the Mediterranean beach then). This year we have a bit of a hap-snap vacation but will be going to the mountains next week, when the rest of the country is going back home to stock up on school supplies for "la rentrée des classes" (which will be the topic of my next Cultural Differences installment).

Is there a specific summer period when most of the people in your country take vacation or is it more spread out? Any other specifics to summer vacation time you know of?

Cultural Differences - May Day

Welcome to the third installment of my monthly cultural differences series! I'm running almost two weeks late with this one but that's because I've adapted/resigned myself to the fact that in May nothing much gets done here in France (it's not yet as bad as August, but getting close!).

The reason why not much gets done in May is the sheer amount of public holidays this month, and the French custom to "faire le pont", which means you take one or two extra day off between the holiday and the weekend, so you now have a nice long break without having to take up too many vacation days (not that we lack those here - 25/year is about the minimum). It all starts on May 1st - May Day, a BIG public holiday in this socialist country. On this day everything (except the fresh market) is closed. And most astounding, in the city where I live, there is no public transport at all on May 1st. Power to the workers!

Many people might think that Holland is a socialist country too, and in some ways it is, but May 1st is no public holiday there and (obviously) it's not celebrated in the US either, so this was a whole new experience for me when we moved here (and I still can't get over the fact that there is no public transport service!).

Then May 8th is also a public holiday (WWII Liberation Day) and this year Ascension Day fell on May 9th, so obviously no one was working on May 10 (oh, yes, my hubby was - and actually the public schools were open too, but half of M. Sensible's classmates were absent) and many actually took that entire week off. And then last Monday was Whit Monday, so another short week. This all following on the 2-week Spring break and kids have no way of getting back into a normal rhythm (and there are only six weeks of school left before the summer holidays).

On the other public holidays in May many stores are "exceptionellement ouvert", so you can spend your free day with hundreds of others at the giant blue and yellow home furnishing store if you'd feel so inclined (or in my case, you can just go to the grocery store and don't have to think what's for dinner two days in advance).

Before we moved here I thought July 14th (Bastille Day) would be the biggest public holiday in France, but no, the post office will be closed that day but almost everything else will be open. May 1st though, is the sacred day in this laic country.

Which public holiday is most widely observed in your country? How much is closed/non-operational on that day?

Cultural differences - at the doctor's

Welcome to the second installment of my Cultural Differences series, now with it's own real blog button (thanks Kathy)!

After last month's topic of meeting someone, this time we'll go to the doctor's office!

In Holland I didn't go to the doctor very often. I was hardly ever sick, so didn't make it much further than GP and dentist. It was pretty simple: there would be a receptionist and/or assistant and the physician him-/herself. No nurses or other staff. If you had to have a physical examination, you would undress (behind a screen) and then be completely naked so the doctor could examine you.

When watching US sitcoms or movies I always thought that all those blankets and other cover-ups were because we were not allowed to see the actors without their clothes on, but that in real life those covers wouldn't be there.

Until I moved to the US... First there was receptionist/admin person who dealt with the finances, then there was a nurses station, where I had to fill in forms with medical questions. Then a nurse called me and asked me to step on a scale - fully dressed, even with shoes on! She then brought me to a room, took my blood pressure, asked me to undress, gave me all kinds of covers and told me the doctor would be there in a few minutes. Wow, I hardly knew which cover to put where... How did it all work? So it wasn't just for the movies...? And what took the doctor so long?

My sister, also living in the US, told me that she never used the covers, but I somehow grew to appreciate them (and got a little less clumsy with them too). Because naked is really very naked...

Then four years later we moved to France. I was getting out of my denial phase regarding IF, so a gynecologist was one of the first doctors I saw. There was a receptionist, and the doctor herself. After a short chat it was time for an examination. Please get undressed. Please lie there. Wow... I was cold. No covers. Just like in Holland. What I used to think was normal. They call it "à poil" in French. But hey, this is the first time I see this doctor (it was also the last time, but that's a completely different story). Hmm... ok, get over it, this is a doctor, they're used to seeing people naked...

After two pregnancies in France I've gotten pretty used to it - undress in front of the OBGYN, step naked on the scale, be completely naked during the whole examination. Get dressed quickly once it's over. It's normal. It doesn't really bother me. But hey, I wouldn't mind a little cover...

What is the usual practice in your part of the world when you have to get a physical examination? Are covers involved? Would you be shocked if you would go to a different country and it would be completely different than what you're used to?

Cultural Differences - La Bise

Welcome to the first installment of my Cultural Differences series!

Today's topic is La Bise - or how to greet someone.

In Holland, where I grew up, when you meet someone for the first time, you shake hands. If you know someone well (on a personal level) you give three kisses on the cheeks. If you go to school/college or work and you meet people you see on a daily basis, you just say 'good morning' or 'hello' and you join the group, or continue on.

When we moved to the US, it was quite similar, only the kisses were replaced by hugs (I like hugs, and I think they are friendlier for people wearing glasses than kisses).

But then we moved to France. The handshaking part was still the same. The kisses on the cheek at first seemed to be similar to those in Holland, but there were two instead of three - which then sometimes created awkward situations when we, used to giving three kisses, were aiming for the other person's right cheek again when he/she was already turning away - so not such a big deal. But then one day, shortly after we moved here, we were at the bank, it was around 9 am, so many employees were coming in (this was the head office). Each and every one of them stopped at the reception desk to give the receptionist two kisses. We thought this was a bit over the top, the poor woman was getting up from her desk to greet her colleagues about every 10 minutes! Couldn't they just say good morning and move on?

No, apparently not. When I got to work in an office, the ritual was the same. I know my husband doesn't do the rounds like that when he comes in, and I think some colleagues hold it against him (he, however, couldn't care less and prefers to have a few colds and stomach bugs less by just saying hello and going to his desk).

So it seemed clear: kisses are for friends and colleagues (male of female, it doesn't matter), if you meet someone for the first time, you shake hands.

No, no, that was all too easy! If you meet someone for the first time, but that person is family/friend/colleague of someone you know well and who is there with you (and you therefore greet with two kisses), you greet that person with two kisses as well!!

I met a client for the first time last week, but we'd had lots of contact by phone and email in the weeks prior to the meeting, so we greeted each other with... "la bise". And immediately after that I got to greet all her colleagues (OK, there were only three, and two of them I already knew) with two kisses as well.

Sometimes there is a little uncertainty on both ends - maybe with someone you have only met once when you were together with a mutual friend - and then one of you might say "on fait la bise, non ?", which you can then obviously only answer with a positive response!

So it seems I'm getting the hang of it, although there was a bit of an awkward moment a while ago when I opened the door to our babysitter. I just greeted her with a 'bonsoir' and let her in. But now that I think of it, she probably expected to 'faire la bise'.

We're probably seen by some people around us as the foreigners who just say hello, but I prefer it that way than making the faux-pas of kissing someone when it's not at all appropriate.

And of course, as there are exceptions in France to everything, there are exceptions to these greeting rules as well: this weekend we went away and stayed in a friend's apartment in a ski-resort. She was there too, in an another apartment in the same building, together with her parents. They invited us for a drink one day and - according to the things I just wrote - after greeting my friend with two kisses, I assumed we'd be greeted with 'la bise' from her parents too, but no, it was a handshake... (so now I'm confused again)!

How do you greet people in your part of the world? Is there a difference between men and women? Between personal and work contacts? Are you a reserved kisser/hugger too?

Cultural differences – the start of a new blog series

This blog was started to document my IVF journey and after the birth of our second child last year, I wanted to find a way forward with it without giving up its original identity. I love the small community I’ve found through my blog and didn’t want to lose that. I also want to thank Mel, Lori and Kathy for making me think this through.

I was born and raised in the Netherlands, where I lived until I was 27. I then followed hubby (also Dutch) to the US, where we lived the (unintentional) DINK life for almost five years, before moving to France, where we’ve now been for over seven years already, which included a professional depression turned into reinvention, getting on the ART rollercoaster, being pregnant twice and now parenting two beautiful IVF boys.

One of the great things about reading (ALI) blogs from women around the world is that not only do we get to share similar experiences, but I also notice how things are done differently than I am used to here. It keeps my mind open for other options and sometimes also helps to keep things in perspective (especially when it comes to parenting, where everyone seems to have an opinion). Besides, there are of course the general cultural differences between France, Holland and the US that I’m experiencing on an almost daily basis.

With my name lostintranslation and my blog title also hinting to these differences (even if it is very focused on IVF), starting a blog series on Cultural Differences seemed almost a natural thing to do. Yes, after all, my blog still fits me!

I would love to make this a regular series (I still have to decide on the interval though) – I will try to vary the topics but, especially in the beginning, they will mainly include things that I experienced / am experiencing myself and noticed cultural discrepancies with - so infertility treatments, pregnancy and parenting (which still form the core of this blog) will be often featured.

I hope you will like it and will share how things work in your corner of the world by leaving comments on my posts. If you have ideas for certain topics, I would love to hear about them too! 

Check back for the first post in this new series on Monday, March 11 – the topic will be “La Bise” (yes, I’m referring to kissing, but as a greeting, not to the so-called French kiss!)
Update: you can find it here!