IF ABC

I found this on Liz's blog and thought it would be nice to fill out, especially during ICLW.

• A. Age when you started TTC: me 29, hubby 35
• B. Baby Dancing or Sex: sex
• C. Children wanted: when I was still blissfully ignorant about our IF problems: 3 or 4. When going through IF treatments (and getting BFN after BFN): one would be great. After birth of our son: two would be wonderful. When hitting a low due to sleep deprivation and stress around the time my son was 4-7 months old: one is enough. When he started sleeping through the nights: two would be wonderful. When we were doing IVF#2 and we transferred two great embryos and put one in the freezer: four might still be possible! After the BFN: two would be wonderful, but maybe we'll have to be content with one.
• D. Dogs/Cats/Fill in Children: none
• E. Essential Oils/Vitamins/Snake Oils: prenatal vitamins. Have been taking them since starting TTC.
• F. Fertility Meds I’ve taken: clomid, decapeptyl, enantone, puregon, orgalutran, ovitrelle, utrogestan.
• G. Gain: didn't gain anything during IUIs and first IVF, then lost lot of weight after birth of my son (about 8 kg - due to sleep deprivation and stress), lost a bit more when my mom died. Gained about 3-4 kg around the time of IVF#2, but don't know if it was related to the IF meds, or just my body getting back to normal after too much weight loss.
• H. HSG (Hystosalpingogram): Had a sonohysterogram in the US and then a fertiloscopy here in France, which is an invention by my RE and basically is a trans-vaginal laparoscopy, which combines Lap and Dye, Salpingoscopy and Microsalpingoscopy (MSC) and Hysteroscopy.
• I. Infertile Pet Peeves: "We weren't even trying"
• J. Job title: proofreader/editor (or whatever I like to call it - I freelance)
• K. Kid’s names you’re afraid will be taken by the time you can use them: already happened - my mom's middle name. My sister took it for her daughter.
• L. Length of time TTC: 5 years
• M. Miscarriages: none
• N. Number of times you’ve switched OB/GYNS, REs, FSs: not counting the switches due to our transatlantic moves, I switched OBGYN here in France once. Still with same RE.
• O. Ovarian quality: good (but I'm getting older…)
• P. POAS or wait for AF: wait. Every time I did cave in and POAS it was a disaster.
• Q. Quote from an obnoxious fertile: "Now I cannot properly celebrate my 30th birthday (read: with lots of alcohol) because I'm pregnant" (said by someone who got pregnant on her honeymoon)
• S. Sperm: nothing wrong with it
• T. Time you tried naturally: 1.5 years before clomid cycle in US, then again 2+ years before first IUI in France (now that I write that down I can't believe we wasted so much time, especially the second period, but oh well, it is what it is…)
• U. Uterus quality: fine
• V. Vagina: would like some more privacy
• W. What baby stuff do you already have?: lots, as we have a now almost 2 year old running around.
• X. X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey? My parents, my sister, two or three friends, and my blog readers.
• Y. Yearly Exam. Do you still go in even though someone sees your lady parts most months?: Yes, even though I wonder if it's really necessary.
• Z. Zits: Not too bad - but always a few to show that either AF or ovulation is around the corner.

Finding a friend

It's CD36 today and still no AF yet. Apparently my body needs some more time to recuperate before I can inject it with hormones again, which is fine. The only thing that's slightly annoying is that I cannot plan any getaways right now (we'll have a long weekend coming up for Easter and have had two invitations to which I don't know what to respond) as I don't know if we'll be in the middle of our FET or not. But that's just minor.

I had intended to write something about the whole PETA affair (see http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/ for more details if you don't know what I'm talking about), but just didn't have enough down time to find the right words for that.

I did post the FB blurb about Infertility Awareness Month on my FB Wall. And guess what? A neighbor, whom I'm also FB friends with, sent me a message, asking how long it had taken us to have our son. Turns out she had 5 failed IUIs, 3 IVFs before having her son and 5 failed IVF in an attempt to have a second child. I'm so glad she reached out. Even though the whole IF blogosphere is such a great help to me, it is wonderful to know that there is someone in my own building, whom I like a lot, who knows exactly what it feels like, and on whose door I can knock when I'm tired of other neighbors or nannies etc telling me that a BFN doesnt' matter, and that we should just try again. So yay for FB.

Random thoughts

It's CD27, I'm anxious to start our FET, but I think my body is asking me to be a bit more patient. AF lasted almost until CD10 after the failed IVF, based on my CM I would say that I ovulated last week, but this morning I had this typical ovulation pain on the right side, so who knows what's happening right now (I didn't take any OPT). Consult with the RE is on Thursday (but he will not do any u/s or bloodwork, just talk for 10 minutes and charge me 70 euros).

I don't really know what to expect of his FET. We only have one embryo frozen, how big is the chance it won't thaw properly? It's the same Grade A excellent quality as one of the embies that was transferred for IVF#2 - which didn't make it. So why should I believe its frozen brother or sister will have a better chance?

With IVF#1 I was hopeful, but didn't expect much - we had six failed IUIs behind us, so BFN had become the norm. But it worked... Then with IVF#2 I was worried that they wouldn't be able to retrieve any eggs - there were less than the first time, but still a decent amount. Then I worried that they wouldn't fertilize - but they did, and actually better than the first time. So when those hurdles were taken, and we had three perfect embryos, I was convinced that it was going to work, just like last time, and that I might even be pregnant with twins.

So the BFN hit me hard. I felt exactly the way Sarah described it in her comment on my previous post. So maybe it's a good thing that I'm a bit pessimistic, it might work better (oh, the logic of an IFer...).

The insurance stuff is almost sorted. I got a confirmation for one of the forms I'd sent them copies of, but nothing had been reimbursed yet. So I called to check what happened to the other form and when I could expect to be paid back. Well, turns out they OK'ed all procedures (for both forms), but just bothered to send a confirmation for one. And regarding the payment - I have to send them back the printout of their electronic file before I can get paid. That's insane! We have an insurance card with electronic chip, which means that payments are automatically transferred from whichever medical office you're paying your bill for, to your insurance company and you will be reimbursed with a transfer directly into your bank account - no paperwork, no checks in the mail, everything electronic. Now I have to send them back a printout of these payments that were on-hold instead of that they just click a checkbox or whatever in their software at the same time that they OK the forms... Of course I did send the printouts back, because I want to be paid ASAP, but this is bureaucracy at its finest I must say.

IF mindset

The other day we had dinner with friends who have four kids. When we sat down at the table, the youngest girl said all excitedly "I'm sitting between the daddies!". I immediately thought, "well, yeah, but my hubby's not really a daddy", when I realized that he is! We are finally parents too! But I guess after all those empty years, there's some adjusting to do in my head...

In church with the royal family

Yesterday evening we went to the Christmas Eve service at my parents' church. Is a great, pretty progressive church (like many of them are in Holland) and it's always packed on Christmas Eve. It's also quite well-known here because it's the church the Dutch queen goes to (not every Sunday of course). Luckily my dad is on the board and my mom was coordinating all the volunteers for the Christmas Eve service, so our places were reserved. Better yet, we got to sit one row in front of the royal family (i.e. the queen, her three sons and their wives). So we had to behave and sing in tune, ha!

During our years of TTC, I've always had a bit of mixed feelings about seeing or reading about these people, none of the queen's children seemed to have any trouble getting pregnant. As soon as they were married, hoopla, about a year later there would be baby #1! Of course, on the other hand it would have been horrible for them to go through IF in the public eye and have all those gossip rags on constant baby bump watch (and of course I don't wish IF on anyone, but I did think it was unfair at the time...).

Anyway, the service was good despite the benches being a bit hard on my (not yet very) pregnant body.

Merry Christmas everybody!