I had a small nervous breakdown this morning around 5.30 am. I had been up for bathroom breaks at my usual hours, but then couldn't sleep anymore from 3.30 am onwards.
Due to the terrible itch (it was horrible all day yesterday too, luckily a bit better now) and too much stuff in my head - how long before the baby will come? How long can my parents wait patiently in Holland before driving south anyway, even when they said they won't come before the baby's born (but they booked a place from this Wednesday on - why didn't they just take our neighbor's apartment who offered it for a week from July 3rd on)? What if I go way past my due date? Can people please stop calling every other day to ask how it's going? Can I tell them 'don't call us, we call you' or is that rude? Do I need to call day care centers when I don't know yet if the company will offer me a new contract? But what if I wait too long and there is no more space? Will there be more high school kids jumping into our garden today to fetch balls they accidentally threw over the fence? Will our landlord repair the fence (broken by the high school kids on Friday) quickly or will it take months and months, like everything else we ask them to do? Why am I worrying about all these things? Why do I have this horrible itch? Why can't I sleep? Etc. etc.
I think it's all got to do something with the idea I had that the baby would definitely come earlier than my due date, and somehow I had set D-Day in my head for yesterday - wouldn't it be wonderful: born on a Sunday, just like his parents, on Father's Day (hubby was born on mother's day), on the first day of summer, on the 'fête de la musique', on his mommy's and grandpa's name day... Yes, I know, too good to be true. Or so tacky that the baby, like his daddy would do, would just refuse to be born on such a day, out of sheer recalcitrance.
So of course no signs at all of impending labor, and all the thoughts mentioned above going round and round in my head. So I started crying, which woke hubby up, who tried to console me, fell back asleep, while I stayed awake. As soon as the alarm went off at 7 am I stood beside the bed. After breakfast and hubby's departure I took it easy by doing some prenatal yoga and breathing exercises (which almost made me freak out instead of relax because I couldn't breathe out for more than 25 seconds, while the goal for labor contractions is 30-40 seconds - but in the end I did manage) and then took a shower. Doing a bit better now, but still very tired, so I'm in for at least one good nap today.