A little over a month ago I had lunch with someone to ask her to come work with me and another woman on the organization of a one-day conference planned for November. It was the day of our first scan and somehow I told her that day that I was pregnant (I don't exactly remember why, but it had something to do with that she was telling me to go after this, do that, apply for jobs, etc. and I couldn't think of any good excuse so I just told her I was pregnant - it was also after that meeting that I wrote here that I felt like a complete professional failure).
Anyway… I knew that she had one child, and she mentioned that when applying for jobs she didn't mention her age, marital status and whether she had kids or not (it is quite common in France to provide all that info, including a picture of yourself…) because it had led to questions before about whether or not she wanted another child, etc. I didn't ask her about it, figuring there must be a story - secondary infertility, or something else.
She joined the team, got very active (which is great, and I love it, but it also drives me nuts because I see myself in her but can't do what she does right now because of my pregnancy fatigue) and last Thursday, during a break in our 6-hour meeting, she told me that she had had four miscarriages when trying for baby #2 - all just before the end of the first trimester. Her revelation was triggered by the fact that she asked about my pregnancy and I told her that I would have our 12-week scan next week (of course after hearing her story now I'm freaked out something is going to be horribly wrong - and the fact that hubby told me he has to be away for business that day doesn't make it any easier).
So of course I told her our IF story too, and heard more details about hers. When her employer found out about her first miscarriage, he summoned her into his office and asked her what the hell she had been thinking getting pregnant (as she had just been working there for nine months and recently had gotten a fixed contract - he made it seem like she was taking advantage of the situation). If I ever meet this guy I will punch him in the face!
Her doctors kept telling her that she was young and could still have lots of babies. Even after miscarriage #3… No one talked to her about RPL and she had to go back to her home country to get all the blood tests done (she did consult a lot with Dr Google, so she asked her doctors for lots of test, but most of them just ignored her), her new OB (a colleague of my RE - whom she also saw, btw, but then she fell pregnant again so he just referred her to the OB, who told her she was just worrying too much...).
When she started bleeding again - miscarriage #4 - and couldn't get hold of her OB, she went back to the one who delivered her son. Finally people started listening to her. She had a hysteroscopy, they found adenomyosis (endometriosis of the uterus). She's now under the care of another specialist, again trying naturally. I do hope she's now finally under proper medical care and her RPL will be taken very seriously. I cannot imagine how stressful those 13 weeks of the first trimester must be for her. I can only wish her lots of strength and luck.