Update on resolutions

Well, about time for a bit more optimistic post since my last one which was pretty depressing. I'm doing a lot better now and as for the resolutions - I've got most of them covered.

Have been seeing a psychoanalyst for the past month and a half, it's interesting, to say the least. Baby has been taking the bottle for about the same time. Coincidence? Not really - a friend was babysitting when I went to see the therapist and she asked me if she should try to give my son the bottle - I said 'sure, good luck' and didn't believe she would manage - but she did - the next day he didn't want it from me, but two days later he accepted it from hubs and has been taking it ever since. What a relief! Still nursed evenings and mornings for a few weeks, until he refused to take the breast in the evening, than just early mornings, followed with a bottle including cereal around (our) breakfast time. But I haven't nursed the past three days because he woke up pretty late, so I guess the breastfeeding period will soon be completely over. Even though I wanted it, it's still kind of a weird feeling.

I've been taking yoga classes again as well - but only when hubby is not away on a business trip, don't find it important enough yet to get a babysitter for. Music is also on the program again - I can put my son in the playpen and play while facing him. The first time he looked quite startled, but now he just continues playing, and sometimes starts 'singing' along! I've also sent a message to my fellow musicians that I'm ready to take up the trio again, but haven't had a response back yet, hmm... maybe eight months was too long of a wait for them?

None of the daycare centers around the neighborhood had a free spot for my son (as the French system is all about equality, you can't just 'buy' a spot at a good center if you would have the money for it) but as of May I have a spot for 2.5 days a week with a nanny (at her home, with a maximum of four kids at a time) who also takes care of our neighbor's 2-year old girl. So that will be great, because I had a small work project for the past two weeks and it was nearly impossible to do - only time I could work was during naps, a little playtime and in the evenings. Took me a week longer than I had hoped.

Happy and more talkative

That's what my dad said I sounded today (and ever since I'm pregnant) when I spoke to him on the phone.

He's absolutely right. I'm usually not a big talker, and the past years my phone conversations have been very brief. I always inquired about the other person's well-being, but tried to avoid having to talk about myself. I didn't have anything to say - no job, no baby, just slowly eroding self-confidence - so I just said I was fine and moved on to the next topic.

But now it's different. I am happy and I do like to talk about what's going on in my life, and with the pregnancy in particular.

And today I am extra happy because after over three years of fruitless and frustrating job searching I finally have a job! Yeah!! Of course this might seem awful timing, being five months pregnant and all, but luckily the company is very flexible with everything (my hubby works there as well, so they already know me a little bit, it's a small company). They allow me to work part-time (26 hrs/week) and I start out with a 6-month contract (of which 2 to 2.5 will be absorbed by my maternity leave) and then if I want to come back after the baby is born, they'll give me a permanent contract - but if I want to take some time off first, even after the maternity leave has ended (total of 16 weeks here, 6 weeks before, 10 after birth), that's OK too (but of course I won't be paid during that time).

So yeah, I was quite talkative on the phone today...

The (lost) charm of being a "Sunday Child"

I was born on a Sunday. So was my husband. They say (at least in Holland) that children born on a Sunday carry an extra charm, and will often have good luck in their lives...

It seemed to be true when I was living in Holland. Pretty much everything went pretty smoothly. I was chosen among 100 candidates to go on an educational trip abroad when in high school, I passed a difficult college entrance exam. I found the love of my life (although it took a while), I had the best job in the world. But I think I lost that charm when I left Holland to join my hubby in his career pursuit and gave up my own super job and with it part of my identity.

On my CV, it doesn't seem that I gave up my career at that moment. My job in the US looks great on paper, but I hated it. When we moved to France (which I was happy about, because I was escaping from this job), I thought it would be relatively easy to find a job again. No work permit issues like in the US. But 3.5 years and many applications later, I've only been invited to a handful of interviews and never made it to a second round.

A gap in your CV is a big sin in France, but if I got to the interview stage, what kept coming up was the question if my hubby would be changing jobs and countries again soon, because they "don't want to start another search in three months". And (yes, they know they're not allowed to ask), "What about children?" Thank you all so much for your confidence! Grr...

My hubby had a bad day at work two weeks ago. He saw a job ad and applied. He got invited. He made it to the second round. They didn't ask him if his wife had a career or intended to change countries again, if he had little children he had to take care of. No, they just looked at his qualifications, were convinced by what he told them and if he hadn't said 'no' to the second round (after some good discussion at home), he'd probably would have gotten the job. Mind you, the job he currently has is awesome. He has a great career. He's building a super network. OK, I know, I'm jealous. I know I shouldn't be, because jealousy is a useless emotion (I'm quoting my wise sister here).

And another thing about this Sunday Child Charm - why did it take us a f**ing five years to get pregnant?!

I think we both lost the charm for a while. Seems my hubby has definitely found it again. And I'm hoping it's coming back to me to. So that the pregnancy will continue normally and result in a healthy baby. That maybe this part-time job opening that was talked about two weeks ago is really going to happen. I know I shouldn't complain. We're very blessed. I just woke up crying today. Blame it on the hormones... (and thankfully I have a blog to vent my frustration!)

Job interview

This afternoon I had something to distract me from thinking/worrying about this little thing inside me: a job interview. Only the seventh in the more than three years since we've moved to France! This one was not even for a job in my field, but hey, after three years I though I might need to expand my search area a bit.

The biggest problem here in France is that if you don't have a degree from a French 'Ecole Nationale Superieure' of something something, you already don't really count. Then if you've studied something (music recording), but got a job/career in a related field (MarCom/organization, but still in music/audiovisual sector), but not quite what you studied, they get confused and don't know what box to put you in. This then usually results in that they throw your CV in the bin instead of making them curious and inviting you for an interview. On top of that, the professional networks are really really closed, especially the cultural/musical ones...

Oh well, today's interview was for a MarCom position at a business school. I think it went OK, but they really want someone with a marketing degree, which I obviously don't have. Honestly, I can't get very upset about it right now, this pregnancy is way more important at the moment (but yes, of course it would be great if I would finally have a job). I'm leaning more towards freelancing at the moment anyway, much more flexibility, and I think I could get some small projects going. The only thing holding me back is the French bureaucracy...