My mom

My mother passed away peacefully at home on Friday morning, after a four-month battle with cancer that we knew she couldn't win. We were able to say our goodbyes, and to be at her side until the end. She was only 64 years old. Way too young to die. I still can't believe she's gone. I will miss her so much.

Last June, at home with us, before she got sick.

Cycle canceled

We drove to Holland yesterday. My dad called Sunday afternoon to tell me my mom had been asking for us. While we were driving up north, I called pharmacies in cities along the way to check if there might be one that would have some more Puregon for us (I only had enough for two or three more days of injections). Did find one in the end, which made us feel good, for just a short while. Arrived at my parents' place in the evening - even though my dad had told me she was doing much worse, I was still a bit shocked at how much sicker she was than when I last saw her, three weeks ago. I called my RE and we talked with my mom's physician this morning. She's entering the final stage - of course it might still take two or three weeks before she dies, but this is no time to leave her side. So... no injection tonight. We'll see when we can do another cycle.

First appointment for IVF #2

So yesterday we had our first appointment for IVF #2. The clinic had moved since we'd last been there in 2008, so it was all a bit new to us. We had expected a waiting time of at least 30 minutes, but it seemed like our RE is going through some meager times (or it was just a slow day yesterday), because we were seen almost immediately and his cell phone didn't ring either during the consult (which was always the case last time around, very annoying).

There are some tests to be redone (blood work for both of us, sperm for hubby, and pap for me, but luckily I have one scheduled two weeks from now with my OBGYN, so I don't have to do that at the lab like last time) and then we have another appointment in about a month (mandatory reflection time + time to get all the tests done and fill in the paperwork) and then we should be good to go at the end of October.

Of course we hope this time around will be as successful as last time, but to me it seems there is some extra pressure. My mom's cancer turned out much worse than initially thought: it has spread to her brain, so the prognosis is quite bleak (survival rate somewhere between two months and two years - for the moment she's doing ok and in fighting spirit). I hope she'll be able to hold another grandchild - our second child. Maybe I'm asking for too much, but it would be such a wonderful gift, to all of us.